Saturday, January 23, 2010

He Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

You really love your guy and you do everything you can to show him. Yet, although he says he loves you, he's more reserved in showing affection. At times he seems too distant...not so into you. This leads you to question if he really does love you.

Do You Feel Loved?

The stress is causing you to act irritable and unlovable. But before you end up sabotaging your relationship, take a timeout and think about this. People mean different things using the same word. If we ask any two people what is important in a personal relationship both may agree that it is to feel loved. Yet, one will enjoy a long and loving relationship with his partner while the other will go through many relationships without feeling she has found love. Why is that? To find the answer you need to know what the "love" word means to your guy. And more importantly, what it means to you.

Finding Your Spin on the "Love" Word

Take the time to decide what you desire in a relationship. Start by asking yourself, "What makes me feel loved?" Then you and your partner make separate lists of eight to ten values that must be present. Your list might include - attraction, kissing and hugging, makes me laugh, communication and faithfulness. His may include - attraction, excites me, supports me, commitment and time for myself. Compare lists. You'll both discover what is important to the other. And the different "spin" each has on what it takes to feel loved will become evident.

How to Stay in a Loving Relationship

Go through your lists. Find the values you both have in common. For example, "excites me"
(his list) and "kissing and hugging" (your list" are well-suited. Use them to bridge the gap with those that seem incompatible. For example, "communication" (your list) and "time for myself" (his list) appear to be opposite values. This is where you both have to be open to compromise. Exercise some flexibility. Give and take is the basis for a happy and lasting relationship.

Why You Might Walk Away

For more insight, reorder your list. Rank your ideal relationship placing what is most important to you in first, second and third position. Have him do the same with his list. If "faithfulness" (your list) is at the top... and it is not given, you will likely walk away from this love connection. If his list topper is "commitment" to one person and it is not met, he may walk away. As you can see, giving priority to these top concerns is vital for your future together. Support and fulfill each other's most important values as much as you can.

Does He Love You?

Have fun with this exercise. It is a stress management tool designed to help you answer the question, "What makes me feel loved?" And learning what both your needs are for a fulfilling relationship is an added bonus. So does he love you? Share your results below.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Secrets to Losing Weight Without the Stress

Certain foods and herbs have a calming effect on the body, while others have an antidepressant effect. Still other foods tend to create more stress. Cut back or eliminate substances known to aggravate anxiety and stress, such as caffeine, nicotine and stimulant drugs. Limit salt, sugar and alcohol consumption. Substitute with decaf and/or herbal ingredients whenever possible.

Foods That Boost Your Energy

Increase your consumption of foods that boost your energy and lift your spirits. For example, blueberries, grapes, tomatoes and sweet potatoes are rich in stress-busting vitamin C. Protein foods like skim milk and cottage cheese stabilize your blood sugar and help you feel less hungry. Walnuts, asparagus and wild salmon help maintain levels of serotonin, the "feel-good" neurochemical in the brain. According to the Glycemic Index (GI) most fruits and vegetables are low on the carbohydrate index. Include at least one low carb GI food with each meal or snack. Among its benefits, low-GI foods increase metabolism, curb your appetite and reduce cravings.

Eat Mindfully

Don't gulp or bolt down your food. Learn to savor and appreciate the eating experience. Swallow one bite before taking the next to get the full impact of taste sensations in your mouth. Use all your senses - sight to take in the colors on your plate, smell to inhale the aromas, taste to savor the different flavors and feel to enjoy the texture of the foods as you chew. Remember, it takes approximately 20 minutes for your stomach to signal the brain that you are full. So for an easy weight loss strategy, eat slooowly and you will find that you are eating less.

Stress is a Diet Killer

Learn relaxation, visualization, deep breathing or self-hypnosis techniques to get through the tough times while you are trying to lose weight. Try this quick one-minute stress reliever: (1) choose a relaxing word or phrase such as peaceful, calming, soothing, etc. (2) Make a circle with your thumb and forefinger ("I'm okay" sign) as your cue to relax. (3) Now gently close your eyes and focus your attention within. (4) Inhale slowly. (5) Think of your relaxing word or phrase as you slowly exhale. (6) Repeat (4) and (5) five times. Allow yourself to let go of any stressful thoughts. This is your time for relaxation. Enjoy your calm space. This one minute distraction may be all the time you need to take your mind off of that high calorie fix!